Worthless Guy Stuff

O-M-to-the-G everyone I am so sick of men. I mean, God! All they do is pointless guy stuff all day in guy world and natter about trivial shit that’s not even important and their stupid jobs. I can’t even stand it anymore you know? It’s like, hey- all this man crap you keep going on about is really boring and no one cares. It’s especially annoying when I’m trying to watch sports and my boyfriend is sitting there on the sofa going on about some rubbish he read in a magazine full of dresses. Like this kind of shit:

Christian Dior twatting about with some dresses and shit, probably taking all day in the dressing room and then being like ‘does this make me look fat?’

I mean, yeah he likes flowery dresses- I get it but it’s not like it’s gonna be on newsnight is it? Oh and what about this-

Vidal Sassoon, like, obsessing over hairstyles all day and asking people where they’re going on holiday this year. Ok you can have your ‘career’ but its not like you’re going to make any money sweetcheeks!

WTF why are dudes so obsessed with hairstyles?! It’s not just my boyfriend- come on yours does it too, am I right? I’m like hey it looks fine and he’s like ‘NO ITS ALL GONE WRONG I HAVE TO RE-WASH IT!’ and I’m like b*tch why are you so HYSTERICAL?!

Oh here we go… another guy with a part-time job in man-stuff no one cares about-

Simon Doonan doing some window dressing or whatever, making a big deal out of knick-knacks and pretending it’s a real job

WTF?! Why do guys love shopping for that floral wall paper, dinner sets, throws and embroidered cushions crap so much? I mean I expect to come home to a clean house but I don’t want to hear about it all frickin day.

And don’t even get me started on the SHOES!

Manolo Blahnik doing some stupid doodles of shoes he wishes he had like someone cares, surrounded by all the shoes he already has which he doesn’t really need

Frickin God how many SHOES do guys NEED?! I’m all like- hey why do you need all these, man?! And he’s like- oh I need something to go with every outfit honey! Anyways so I end up buying them for him AGAIN cos he made that cute face at me in the shop, and it makes him happy so whatevs- I get some peace and quiet for a change!

Well, just when I think I’ve calmed down, uppity manz go out and get these ‘greeter’ and ‘host’ jobs and get all jumped up about it-

Michael De Cozar wearing his cute uniform, hanging round the doors of The Ritz all day smiling, being super nice and helpful and waving goodbye like he’s important; then expecting money for it like it’s not what guys are all doing anyway

Then totally complain about how creepy women come onto them and they get no respect- like, WHAT DO YOU WANT?!

No, I think it was all so much better in the old days, when all the dudes knew their place. Which is:

1] cleaning my house

Mr Muscle is one of those great men who actually enjoys man-jobs like unclogging my sink

2] Making sure they don’t let themselves go, whilst raising as many children as possible, which is the natural order of things.

Super-hot Dads think its really important to keep themselves up for their wives, almost as important as God’s special mission for them- taking care of my kids all day

3] If they get bored I think it’ll be ok if we let them out to have tea with the other refined blokes

Blokes taking high tea, as is the tradition.

Or to join the local Knitting Circle [which is after all, harmless fun].

A local chapter of the knitting circle meets to make baby booties, tea cosies and bobble hats with animal ears on- harmless fun for idle gentlemen

3 Comments on “Worthless Guy Stuff”

  1. KM says:

    Thanks, this was HILARIOUS.

    • Alexa says:

      Haha i feel kindof bad for putting the last photo in of the guys knitting! These guys are in prison and their prison life was totally turned around by a retired lady volunteering to come in every week and teach them all knitting. And they all really got into it as therapy and its like transformed the behaviour of the prisoners- but i just loved that one guy’s badass stare and dooby hat

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