January Riots Not January Diets
Posted: 2 January 2013 Filed under: Art, beauty fascism, bodies, protest, responsibility, Women's Magazines | Tags: beauty, dieting, new years resolutions, womens magazines Leave a comment
Why would you want to vajazzle your vagina!?!
Posted: 28 February 2012 Filed under: beauty fascism, feminism | Tags: antifeminism, Feminism, Shame, Vagina, Vajazzle 4 CommentsAt this year’s Southbank Centre’s WOW weekend festival on March 11th there will be a panel ‘debate’ on the topic of ‘Can you vajazzle and still be a feminist?’. I know this as I was nearly a panel participant. I say nearly because unfortunately they found someone else to argue the ‘No’ position before I could send my follow-up email to the panel organiser – missed opportunity – sure. BUT I figured that missed opportunity could be turned into a blog premiere on FAC (some would say an even better opportunity – I would be that person). And rather than just presenting at a panel discussion – I could present to the entire FAC blogsphere for discussion & commentary some of the thoughts I had about the topic of vajazzzling. I would also like to note here thar E-R has already provided a great post on the topic here.
So – can you vajazzzle and still be a feminist? Well – first off I want to say that whatever a women wants to do with her vagina is her own business! If she wants to wax, pierce it, sparkle it or mohawk it with blue hair gel it is none of my business (unless of course it is my vagina – then I will do what I please to it). And whatever she choses to do with her vagina, who I am to tell her if that does or does not make her a feminist!? So clearly I take issue with the premise – but I guess for arguments sake we can let that go – and focus on the ‘spirit’ of the topic – which I think is more/less ‘What would make a women want to vajazzle her vagina – and if she did, could she call it ‘feminism”.
Now – What would make a women want to vajazzle her vagina? What would make a women want to have all the hair ripped out of her vagina and when it is red, swollen and and its most sensitive have dozens of sticky little crystals stuck over the freshly opened pores? Opening one of her most delicate area to potential health concerns of pasting artifical glue over what could be salon bacteria…scary! I racked my brain – I googled it – I asked friends – one of which replied ‘Vajazzling – [insert explanation to friend here] – is THAT what that is !?!- I thought it was a new work-out thing like Jumba or Spinning class – why would anyone do that?!’ Why indeed?
My mind kept coming back to one word – Shame.
SHAME! This notion that women should be aSHAMEd of our bodies. That not only is your body not good enough when you don’t eat those extra pieces of cake, only wear the revealing yet fashionable clothes, when you conform to an unattaiable body images (see: H&M protest at computed generate bodies post), and when you pluck and wax the hair off in all the right places, but THEN you need to roll it all up in a rhinestone package in the (you can even get it in the shape of a bow) so it is not even recognisable to the natural state you started with!
Excuse me – but this ‘beauty treatment’ is going even further than just perpetuating the consistent message I get from nearly every clothes, beauty, and mobile phone ad that a women’s value is barely skin-deep. Vajazzing violates our most personal physical manifestation of ourselves as women – our vagina – and asks us to ‘buy in’ to the notion that it is not good enough without a bit of sparkle. That our worth as women – is no longer confined to what the outside world can see of us – but now is invading our bedrooms, showers and vulvas – and telling us that to ‘look our best’ naked we can never be truly naked – because that would just be gross!
Therefore – when I think about if a women were to vajazzle – could she call this act feminist – I would have to say a resounding NO! When I think of feminism as its most basic level I think of empowering women. And when I think of vajazzling and the message it is sending to me as a women – I do not feel empowered.
I feel degraded. [def. Reduced in quality or value – That my vagina is not something I should value unless it has been changed.]
I feel disgusted. [def. (1) to sicken or fill with loathing (2) to offend the moral sense, principles, or taste of – Infuriated that someone could try to make me feel ashamed with a part of my body that I do not even choose to share with them.]
I feel commodified. [def. (1) to turn into a commodity; make commercial. (2) to treat as if a commodity. Sickened by the financial obligation I should feel as a women to ‘enhance’ myself so I can be worthy of attention and admiration.]
I feel that vajazzling is vile and to quote E-R
So, porno-culture merchandisers [and associated celebrity puppets] can take their Swarovski crystals and glue them where the sun don’t shine. That’s right, Assjazzle yourself.
Headless and scapegoated
Posted: 31 December 2011 Filed under: beauty fascism 1 CommentOur government’s MO becomes more obvious all the time: transfer ever-more wealth from the poor to the wealthy, dismantle the welfare state, look after the interests of wealthy campaign donors, including bankers and far-right Christian groups, and pander to every ugly stereotype in existence in order to get the 99% to blame austerity measures on each-other rather than on the elites who are truly responsible.
This is why we have punitive changes to the benefit system coupled with endless rhetoric about “scroungers” and “benefit cheats”. The cuts to benefits will save an insignificant amount of money (and will cost more than they save in the long term), but saving money isn’t the point: the point is to set the 99% against each-other; people who see their lives becoming more difficult as a result of cuts to the NHS, benefits, and education, are encouraged to blame not the government and bankers who caused this mess, but the supposed “scroungers”. This is why the government encourages us to report our neighbours to the police as “benefit cheats, and disabled people say that hate crime against them has increased as a result. This is why government rhetoric about “broken Britain” and the importance of (heterosexual) marriage not-very-subtly blames single mothers for society’s ills, and why David Cameron privileges Christianity above other religions in a bid to promote racism and Islamophobia.
Whoever Invented the Vajazzle can go Scrajazzle Themselves up the Wajazzle.
Posted: 15 November 2011 Filed under: beauty fascism, hilarious patriarchy 5 CommentsMEN! MEN! MEN!
Are your balls looking disappointingly ordinary? Is your scrotum mundane? Need to add some sparkle back into your morning glory? Add some dazzle to your dongle? Some jazz to your John Thomas?
Now you can with a PEJAZZLE. Its the latest thing in fun sexy body art, available at all the best spas.
Your favourite celebrities love it :
Johnny Wilkinson- ‘my team mates were so jealous when I showed them how amazing my Pejazzle looked’
Rio Ferdinand ‘I was able to choose just the right colours to compliment my skin tone’
Jeremy Clarkson- ‘I was really impressed with the intricate beadwork they did, especially in those hard to reach areas’
Sir Alan Sugar- ‘I think my Pejazzle makes me look younger- my wife says it’s knocked 10 years off my penis’
Peter Stringfellow- ‘Nothing surprises the ladies like a Pejazzle under a quality thong’
I was writing this little ridicule piece when I discovered [thanks to Sensei Google] that pejazzles are real…
http://www.mensunderwearbrands.com/featured-underwear/vajazzle-your-penis-with-pejazzling
It might seem like Pejazzles represent an equality in male/female body adornment. Its not about gender its about glitter…
But as you can see from the article, Pejazzling is intended to be super masculine in its cock worship [which is the only way Pejazzling can be justified]- ‘treat your penis like a star’ ‘adorn your manhood with diamonds’ ‘make it glitter and shine like a Twilight Vampire standing out in the sun’ [wow wtf?]. Pejazzles are supposed to exaggerate masculine traits of cock pride and sexual assertiveness which are seen as dominating and good, and Vajazzles exaggerate feminine traits which have a low value i.e. vanity, flirtaciousness- being sexually teasing, cute girlishness. Men who object to Pejazzles do so not because shaving and decorating your genitals is weird, but because they see it as too close to Vajazzling, as connecting them with the class of people who exist for the sexual entertainment of men- The Fuckables:
”Now it might be ok for girls– they shave, wax and remove hair from all over their bodies, so why not add a touch of sparkle. I can live with that. But when it comes to adorning your tackle, I have to stop you right there… most of us are hairy down there… They could be great for a hen-do and might be a great way to spice up your sex life. But for men, it could be just one step too far”
http://www.iamstaggered.com/featured/first-vejazzling-now-pejazzling
If sparkly genitals can be gendered masculine-sparkly-genitals or feminine-sparkly-genitals and then made into a patriarchy-sparkly-genital-hierarchy then literally anything can. [As a side note- is this a harbinger of the apocalypse?]
Vajazzling is meant to convey a coquettish, girlish, almost twee level of cutesy. Prepubescent hairlessness is required. Dominant design themes seem to be hearts, butterflies, red lips, stars- and anything else that can be found on clothes for 8-12 year old girls [including the playboy bunny]. More elaborate designs aim to disguise the vulva with decoration and give a smooth-as-Barbie/bacon-trimmed-as-a-porn-star/DIY Vegas Showgirl look.
The sexual aggressiveness of showing off the genital area and the prepubescent girlishness of the chosen designs/colours/hairlessness is an uncomfortable clash. Needless to say the level of tautness of stomach and low slung-ness of jeans required to hint at a Vajazzle means it’s only really acceptable for some kinds of women to have. HAWT thin women [but that’s ok, the other kinds don’t matter]. And the aim of course is to have it seen by men, either by ‘sexy accident’… ooops reaching up/bending down… or by showing it off as proof of sexual liberalness.
Of the sexes, only women actually get this kind of body art done in any numbers. I can see some men in the gay community Pejazzling for a laugh, but if a single straight man gets a Pejazzle because he thinks it looks attractive or fun ill eat a bucket of self adhesive crystals. And there is the obvious downside for our man pictured with the article of not actually being able to do anything sexual with a heavily Pejazzled penis, no matter how attractive it makes your penis look. Ouch.
In fact the man featured on this website looks like he’s just made sweet love to a mirror ball, or slipped in a craft shop and accidentally rolled first into PVA glue and then the aisle marked ‘make your own mosaic’.
tragic glitter glue accident
Vajazzles are the latest sexxxiest thing in a long line of False Life Enablers for women. The daddy of them all is the Extreme Makeover: catch-all solution of Chick Flicks since the beginning of time. Lets not forget: thongs and tongue piercings in the 90’s, ‘power heels’ and shoulder pads in the 80’s, Bikini’s in the 50’s, make-up and cigarettes in the 20’s- made for ‘The New Woman’ of every era to take control of her life/career/body/sexuality with. They give the illusion of empowerment without any change whatsoever in the power dynamics in society at large, and they distract you from thinking about who it is that has control of your life/career/body/sexuality and why.
They mean you spend time money, and labour in pursuit of a fascist beauty ideal. The Beautifying/feminising/sexxxualising of yourself genders you even more female and compounds the patriarchal oppression you were trying to escape by buying that empowering thong in the first place.
Imagine if, instead of a focus on the exterior of female genitals- i.e from the male point of view [and thus a focus on prepubescent hairlessness, infantilising Vajazzle/underwear designs, and the ‘minimising’ of the vulva to match smooth characterless porn vulvae] we had something else that was an expression from inside-out; sexually celebratory without the traditional sexual submissiveness. There is the irritating sense that we have to choose to be for or against something that patriarchy ‘offers’ us but not create something new patriarchy cannot think of. [This is probably because each time something new is created patriarchy is quick to colonise it and use it against us, especially as sexxxay merchandising, so why give patriarchy a weapon right?]
Assuming that bejewelling the vulva is not intrinsically linked to oppressive patriarchal paradigms in itself, I’d think that in a female-centric non-patriarchal world Vajazzles would be very different if they came to exist. The same is true of Tattooing and other forms of body art.
Id imagine designs would be elaborate and creative, not carbon copy and not ‘tramp stamps’. They could portray female sexual/genital experience from within, rather than decorating those parts that men like to look at from outside and ignoring the entirity of what’s going on biologically in that area.
Perhaps they would depict on the belly a beautiful glittering womb and ovaries. Or describe in pattern and colour- like an intimate map- the experience of sexual arousal. Vajazzles could extend outside the tiny area designated ‘genital’ to include the belly, lower back, thighs, stomach, breasts etc. Each design is unique to the wearer, like a painted-on Orgasm.
Perhaps the practice would have evolved from a long tradition in which young women decorated the belly, genital and thigh area to celebrate their first menses, or ‘show their menses off’ each month. Or one where women are decorated/tattooed by mothers to show the unbroken female line of inheritance that stretches back to the earliest human ancestor. Vajazzling would be one small modern expression of a larger tradition in which the womb, ovaries and menses were given respect and cultural space: designs might give the effect of round bellied pregnancy rather than flat bellied virginity? They might celebrate pregnability as the ultimate human power [rather than pregnability as a weakness/otherness with fuckability as the ultimate goal]? Vajazzles could be about Womb-Pride.
In Germaine Greer’s The Whole Woman she makes a brilliant point in the chapter called ‘Womb’. Notice how the phallus is depicted everywhere- from childish graffiti on toilet doors, scribbled on schoolbooks and carved into desks, to latent symbols and metaphors of power in the highest art and literature. By comparison the womb and ovaries are depicted nowhere, we live in a wombless culture. There is no excuse in saying that the womb is internal, the heart is also internal and yet we refer to it constantly. The heart shows its presence by beating and the womb by shedding blood.
In a female centric culture there would be respect for women as owners/controllers of a special apparatus, the most crucial of all in fact. The womb and ovaries would culturally replace ‘sexy-external-appearance-of-the-vulva-and-breasts’ and ‘vagina-is-thing-for-the-penis-to-go-in’ as the principle definers of femaleness.
It makes it more clear what the Vajazzle symbolises, when you imagine the extreme alternative. In fact, an entire parallel universe has to be created around the premise that Vajazzles didn’t have to be oppressive-porno-culture-merchandising.
Paying £25 to have a baby-pink playboy bunny logo glued onto your hairless crotch by a tangerine woman in a salon is not empowerment.
So, porno-culture merchandisers [and associated celebrity puppets] can take their Swarovski crystals and glue them where the sun don’t shine. That’s right, Assjazzle yourself. I’d love to see you try and make Ass Crystals ™ a craze.
~Talking of imagining a parallel universe, here is a fantastic imaginative exercise by Laurie Penny, guaranteed to bend the gender in your own mind to its limit…
http://pennyred.blogspot.com/2010/03/objectification-what-if-world-were.html
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